


In Any Other World

by atreic



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 06:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/606705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atreic/pseuds/atreic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I want to know what happened to Lyra!  I would love her to somehow still be thinking about Will.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Any Other World

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bringyouhometoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bringyouhometoo/gifts).



It’s lonely. 

There’s a joy in loneliness. To truly excel at something, to be pushing the boundaries of knowledge, that is to be somewhere people have not been before. To read the alethiometer, and know there is no-one else in the world who knows as much as you, no-one you can turn to and say ‘do you think this means...?’ or ‘should I do this...?’, that is lonely. To journey to the Furthest North, watch the supplies dwindle, and realise the whole team waits for your decision; should we go on, or should we turn back? That is lonely. It is a loneliness full of power and joy, passion and skill. But a loneliness all the same. 

Pantalaimon is with her, of course. She sometimes asks, how can she be lonely when she has the constant companionship of her true soul by her side? But Pantalaimon is lonely too. When he sleeps at night, tightly curled up by her side, there is an aching echo in their minds that his fur should be brushing Kirjava’s fur, his flanks should rest in the warmth of Kirjava’s side. 

She is not alone. And she learns to forget her loneliness in the company of others. There are other scientists, other lovers. She finds people who, if they cannot answer her questions, at least understand the sensation of being alone on the edge of the unanswerable. She finds people who she can lose herself in, and their daemons fill the void at least for a while as they sleep entwined with Pantalaimon. 

Once a year, she returns to the bench. She thought at first it would ease her loneliness, allow her for one small slice of time to be near to Will. Instead it rips apart any healing like tearing a scab off a wound. The raw pain of being so near to him, yet separated by the insurmountable distance between their worlds leaves her racked with tears. 

Yet she never stops going.


End file.
